Time and time again, folks get offended that I refer to myself as “crippled”. It appears as though, in some circles, this terminology is considered derogatory. Those fags are retarded.

How’s that for political correctness?

I’ve heard them all, like, “You aren’t handicapped, you’re handi-capable!” Never to be uttered without an over-enthusiastic pat on the head. Then there’s the chaps who attempt to highlight the pros of a word by typing things in such a manner as “disABILITY”, in a ploy to negate the necessary prefix that gives the word its unique definition.

Alas, I must reveal the most entertaining of all the euphemisms: Dif-abled. This conjunction for “differently abled” sounds as though it was concocted by a four year old with down syndrome and lisp. I must admit, though, I find great amusement in revealing to strangers that I am merely dif-abled. When their confusion elicits an inquiry, “You mean disabled?” I promptly show the offense I’ve taken to their insensitive assumptions and storm away in a fit of crippling rage.

We’ve all heard them. The annoying ones have said them. Shame on you if you’re crippled and using these terms actually make you feel better about yourself. Fuck political correctness. Right, Jesus?